Feeling Different from Everyone? You’re Not Alone

Ever feel like you’re the odd one out? Like you’re just... different from everyone around you? Same, girl. In this episode, we’re diving into that exact feeling — the loneliness, the confusion, the “is it me?” spiral. Spoiler: it is you — but in the best possible way. Plus, I’ve got 10 journal prompts to help you figure out what your authentic self even wants. Own your code. Ditch the guilt. Let’s get real.

Transcript

 Hello, hello and welcome to the new episode. Today I'm gonna talk about something that was inspired by a conversation that I had with a friend yesterday about feeling different from everyone else and questioning your own identity and your own normality, outside of it. And I think as someone who's always felt different.

TLDR. Own it. Own it. Whatever it is you like, whatever your preferences are, whatever it is you feel like is right for you, you have to own it no matter what, because this is how you live according to your authentic principles, according to your authentic code. And this is how you become the happiest, best, most thriving version of yourself.

So it's just a reminder. That it's okay to feel different. It's okay not to fit in into the whatever the majority of people, or like the majority of people who surround you, at least and it's okay to not want what everyone else seems to want and to build a life that doesn't match the societal expectations.

And maybe you felt that lately, maybe you used to feel like that before. Maybe you've just started, like for example, you are outgrowing your current friend group or like the space that you've been in, your workplace, your, I don't know, lifestyle, even your partner. I. And it does just doesn't feel right anymore, and you feel like you don't have the same priorities.

And what you think is, oh, it's me. Who's changed? Why did that happen? What's wrong with me? Why can't I just go back to quote unquote normal and fit in again and everything? If I could just do that, everything would be okay. But you are not doing anything wrong. You're developing. You are growing. You are learning who you are, and you are starting to live according to the values that you have.

And there is nothing wrong with it. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's not sad, but there is nothing wrong with it. You're just becoming more you, and the more aligned you become, the more misaligned things will just naturally fall away. And that could be people, routines, priorities, even parts of your identity that no longer fit.

And yeah, let's talk more about that. When you start choosing yourself deeply and unapologetically, you will inevitably feel the friction. I think it's a part of it, and I think. Just because we are wired to feel the sense of belonging, we are wired to be part of something because we are so social and we need other people.

It's very normal to wanna fit in and to want to mold yourself into this version that more people will accept because you then feel like, will feel like you belong. And it does feel good, what feels better. Belonging with the people who are your people who share the same values, who have the same lifestyle, who understand you, and then who you can be a hundred percent authentic with.

And maybe it's a smaller group of people. Maybe it's two or three people and not 10. Maybe it's not a friend group or maybe, but maybe it's just one really close friend that you can be truly yourself with. To me, these are incomparable. And having this authenticity and having someone who knows who you truly are and still loves you, that is unparalleled by anything, by having the largest friend group, by being, by being the most popular person, by having all these likes and whatever, because deep inside, even if you do have that, you know it's all an empty thing.

It's meaningless because it's not who you truly are and you don't feel truly loved because these people don't know the real, you and I, I've personally felt different almost my whole life, and I was bullied in high school for that, not because I, I don't wanna overestimate it, but my friends bullied me a lot for having different opinions.

I never liked, I don't know, I never liked playing team sports. I don't like, and I, I didn't, and I still don't like outdoors activities. In the winter, I had a different sense of style. I, there was, there were so many things that made me different and the things that were just done in a certain way that I didn't accept, and I always made fun of it, and I always felt so, so miserable.

I didn't like partying. I didn't like, I don't know, a lot of they bullied me, but they also bullied other people and it never felt good for me. And even though I had opportunities, because I, I was part of this group that were kind of like, cool, I was like the least cool in the cool group, if that makes sense.

And they were making fun of me and then like everyone else as well, and. That's what I'm saying. I don't wanna, I don't wanna overestimate it. It was never that bad, but it still felt pretty bad because as a teenager, everything is every sense is so heightened and you're experiencing it for the first time and you don't really know how to deal with it.

So I had a pretty hard time and. But I knew that deep inside I just wanted to be understood. And nobody has ever given me that grace. But I knew I was different and I knew I was gonna do different things than them. And you know what time I, I always thought that time will tell, and let me tell you, it has, I don't wanna go too deep into it, but I'm just saying I am living my most authentic, great life right now with something that.

By my values that are true to me. And I think people love me for my directness and my honest opinion and my authenticity. And yes, a lot of people think that probably my personality is very strong for most people or like for a lot of people is at least. But I also have the most authentic true friendships.

Because people also appreciate my honesty and they appreciate my input and my advice and my openness and the depth that I can go to. So had I not chosen to go deep within myself and figure myself out, I probably would've kept pretending to like the things that everybody else liked. And even now. As somebody who's very into health and wellness, you know how society is like, especially if you are like in your twenties or thirties, people still go out a lot.

They drink a lot. They maybe do other stuff. I don't do any of that. My bedtime is literally. I don't wanna say eight, but at eight I am probably winding down with a book and I'm definitely like lights off by 9 30, 10. Definitely. Do you know how many people it does not align with? I've been asked out to like dinner at like 9:00 PM and I have to say, and I always, and I.

I didn't always do that before, but now I do. I say, I'm sorry, this is too late for me. I'm in bed and I know that probably we're not gonna be aligned in the lifestyle with this person. If somebody wants to get drunk every weekend, again, I don't, I'm not judging because they just don't care how other people live their lives, but I know that it's not for me.

I like to wake up refreshed. I like to wake up early. I like to wake work out in the morning, and just because I do all of these things, my lifestyle automatically does not align with so many things. And even going out late, I have to be so strategic about it because I'm probably training the next day, or I train the day before and.

I have to rest. So even let's say I'm invited to a concert, I have to plan my workouts accordingly. But I know that it is, this is such a value of mine that if I do these things, it makes me so happy that I just don't have FOMO anymore because I know that I'm living according to my ultimate values. And one of, one of those are, one of those is health and wellness, working out taking care of my body.

My mental and physical health, this is what makes me feel good and I'm unapologetic about it. Have I been, I don't think I've been called boring to my face, but I've definitely been thought of as boring or maybe stuck up because I just, people think I'm, I think I'm better than everyone else because I'm not doing any of the like drinking and any of other things.

But this is who I am and you know how many wonderful people I've met on my journey. All of my girlfriends go to bed also like 9:10 PM We do workout classes together. We get branches, we go for walks. We, I don't know, we do so many things that are in line with who we are and when this connection is based on a common interest and common value, this is so much better.

I could probably get 20, 30 superficial connections if I wanted to go out and. If I couldn't be with myself, but I don't want that. I want the authenticity and I'm, again, if you are. Authentic code is going out and you are in that stage of your life where you just wanna have fun. Sure. You can build those connections too, and you can build close relationships with people who are aligned with your lifestyle.

I'm just saying whatever it is. Whatever it is you think is authentic to you, own it and make sure. The only thing that you need to make sure of is that it's your desire. It's your value, it is your authenticity. Because very often, as I said, we have, we want to mold ourselves into this figure that is accepted by most people, but when you do that, you're betraying yourself.

So if you are sure that this is what you want, not your parents, not your friends, not society, not your boss, not your boyfriend, then live by those values. And trust me, it may be lonelier, it might be quieter, it might be quote unquote boring, which I refuses to accept, like to name this, but it is who you are and it'll bring you so much happiness.

So I just wanted to give you 10 questions for reflection. If you are in this situation where you feel like you're drifting apart from your current friend group, your current lifestyle, maybe your current relationship, I wanna prompt you to journal on it and think about who you are authentically. So these are some questions that you can ask yourself to reflect on this that will help you figure out who you truly are and find maybe your new set of values and change your life.

So you can live by them. So the first question is, where is in my life do I feel Mo most misunderstood? And why do I think that is? That kind of helps you pinpoint where the disconnect is happening. Is it in your job, in your relationship with your friends, family? I. Is it new? Has it always been there? I think this is like a good first question to think about.

The next question is, what part of me have I been hiding or downplaying to fit in? Because if you feel different, it's worth asking. Are you even letting people see the real you or is this just, you just created this curated more, let's say, palatable version of yourself that you present to people and nobody actually knows who you are?

Number three. What makes me feel the most like myself, and when do I feel free to be me? So you are not just different from everyone else for wanting things in a different way. It's you and you need to know what that actually feels like and it'll help you identify. People in places that help bring out this real you so you can lean into it more.

Number four, am I living in alignment with my values or someone else's expectations? This one is uncomfortable, but it's deep and very necessary because it's easy to adopt goals that don't even belong to us. Maybe it's something that our parents want, maybe something is our partner wants. Maybe it's just something that you've never thought about because.

These are the things, the way things are done. I'll give you an example. Most people want to own a home, and most people don't ask themselves why. For example, I don't know if I wanna own a house because I, if I'm in a financial situation where I can buy a house and know, not think about it, sure, but I don't wanna live my life thinking about.

My 50% or more of my paycheck going towards mortgage. I'd rather have new experiences of fun life, travel, nicer restaurants. I don't know everything that I value, nicer gym outfits for God's sake. If, and a lot of people don't think about that because it's something that our parents do. It's what the majority of our friends probably do or start doing, at least like in your thirties.

But have you thought about what you want? And that's okay if you don't want that. I fully own that. I don't really want that, and I live my lifestyle according to it. Number five, what would I do differently if no one else had an opinion about it? This one is also interesting. It helps you strip away the pressure, the social pressure, all the voices in your head, all the, I don't know what your mom is saying, et cetera, and.

You can think about what you truly want if no one was watching. Number six, what version of me am I outgrowing and who am I becoming instead? So if you are figuring out that you're becoming a completely different person, let yourself grieve that old version. It served you once and it got you to where you are, but you don't have to cling to who you were.

When you're trying to become someone new, it's okay to change. You have to accept that and own it. And that's just part of the process. That's just life. Number seven, do I actually want to belong in the spaces where I don't feel like I belong? Why and why not? This is also a big one. Sometimes we feel excluded, but deep down we don't want to belong there.

It happened to me in my previous job. I never liked the people at work, to be honest, and at first I really tried with them. Because in my head I thought I need to be friends with my coworkers. It's so much fun. We could have all these fun things that we could be doing together, going out for happy hours, doing activities together.

But I have this sense where I know what I'm not welcome and I know where I don't want to belong, and the signs were there and then I just let it go because. Yeah, sometimes not everybody's your person and you don't have to connect with everybody. It doesn't mean you have to be a jerk or you have to be disrespectful.

Or they have to be disrespectful, but I don't have, you don't have to be friends and hang out with everybody, and that's okay. And the moment I let go, I started feeling so much better and it took a lot of pressure off because sometimes it feels very ex, it feels very exhausting to try to belong where you're not welcome.

So if you're finding that you don't feel like you belong in some places, maybe. You are not missing out on much, number eight, when in the past have I felt deeply connected or truly seen, and what was different, then go back to that memory and revisit that version of you that's, that will serve as a clue in what made that connection feel so real and what part of you felt so seen and understood that is not getting that now.

It was also something that he, it's also something that you can lean into more. Once you've identified that, number nine, what beliefs and narratives am I holding onto that are keeping me small or ashamed of who I am? So are you telling yourself you are too much, too intense, too ambitious, too untraditional, too disagreeable, and just remember there is no such thing as to something.

It's who you are. If that's something that you truly like and if it's not caused by, you have to analyze very deep here. If it's not caused by childhood trauma, it's not caused by societal expectations. If it's not caused by something that was in your family, you have to figure out like, why are you holding onto these beliefs and what, how are you benefiting from them?

Because sometimes you can say, oh, I'm just too. I am just too ambitious. I should be. I should just stay in my lane because it's comfortable to stay in your lane. It's comfortable to be small because you're not exposed to criticism, you're not exposed to a lot of eyes that will judge you. And why are you telling yourself this story?

You have to call yourself out on it, or sometimes you think, I dunno, I've been told many a time that I'm too much and too needy. And until I realize, until I've done so much therapy and realize that it's just because I was with the wrong people, I naturally got into relationships with people who brought out this side of me, for example, like this classic like anxious, avoidant dynamic.

I've gotten into it too many times and. Of course, I had this narrative in my head where I have to be small, I have to act chill, like I'm a cool girl to not seem like I'm too much. But then I met people who truly respected that and who truly listened to me and who could truly communicate. And that narrative, thank God it shattered.

And I for no, no way, I'm gonna think that of myself anymore. I own who I am. And, and this is okay, and I don't feel bad about it. And number 10, if I fully owned who I am today, how would I move through the world tomorrow? If there was no fear, no filters, no need to be like, how would you live your life? What would you change?

This will help you determine in what, what direction you need to go in. And these aren't just questions for you to journal. These are questions that build self-trust with yourself. And this is the foundation of your new identity. This is the foundation of your new life because when you trust yourself, you stop needing to be understood by everyone else.

You stop chasing belonging, and you start creating a new life for yourself and eventually with the people who see you for exactly who you are. So if your circle is shifting right now, if things are falling apart. I'm gonna be like Mel Robbins for a second. Let them, that's not rejection. That's just, you know how they say in the manifestation, TikTok rejection is redirection and I hate to get all woo woo on you, but that is true.

The more, the more you honor who you are, the more you attract people, spaces, opportunities that actually fit within your lifestyle and your identity. Yeah. Alright. I think that's all for today. If this episode landed with you, send it to someone who needs to hear it. Share it on your story. Tag me. Let me know which questions hit the hardest.

Please journal on it on them. It's gonna be so helpful, I promise. And I love hearing your reflection, so please share. And just a reminder, a final reminder, it's not your job to be understood by everyone, but it is your job to understand yourself. Own it, love it, and live. Your authentic life and until next time, see you in the next episode.