How to Stop Letting Fear Control You

Ever feel like your fears are holding you back? In this episode, I share a game-changing mindset shift that my therapist recently dropped on me—one that instantly made my fears seem way less scary. We’re talking about building trust with yourself, handling worst-case scenarios, and realizing that no matter what happens, you will figure it out. Tune in for a confidence boost and a fresh perspective on fear!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the new episode. I know there is quite a bit of new people here. So welcome  The newsletter has been doing really well. So I got a bunch of new followers this week so if you're coming from there welcome and Also, obviously my regulars welcome you guys bring me so much joy. I think this is gonna be i'm having such a good day So I think this episode is just gonna be a positive one for once You know, I'm all for like tough love and reality checks and like a bit of complaining But I think today I want to talk about positive things Honestly, you guys give me so much joy every time I post every time I get a DM every time you give me feedback Whatever this is.

I've welcomed constructive criticism too, but honestly, thank you so much for doing this It makes me feel so it makes me feel like what I'm doing is not useless Because sometimes you're just posting into the void and not gonna lie. I'm enjoying it, but you never get real Feedback not never but very rarely do you get real feedback from people who actually listen to you I actually recently met my first subscriber in person and we just met through another thing and we started talking about our hobbies and stuff and I said, oh like I'm in marketing but I'm really passionate about health and wellness and she was like, oh, do you have a newsletter and I was like, yes, I do and turns out she follows me and she really loves it.

And yeah, that really made my day because yeah, I don't get to do this a lot.  That is until I launch my in person events, which is definitely coming up right now. We just life is a bit too busy, but With me like training obviously has consumed my whole personality again But I'm trying not to I'm trying to talk about it less than I talked about the marathon But yeah, it is a lot of my time and I think honestly, it's funny But a lot of it is like anxiety training because I essentially did I'm doing For those who don't know I'm doing another high rocks in Miami in a month, and I'm doing women's pro So which means it's basically regular male weight,  which I know I'm capable of and I did in mixed doubles It's just in mixed doubles me and my friend split everything, but it was the same weight and now I'm doing everything on my own So that I know I can handle the weight but it gives me quite a bit of anxiety because I just  I don't know It's just, High Rocks is a high pressure situation, not like the marathon, because  when the marathon, it's chill, you can just walk.

And the last eight, 10 kilometers. I saw a lot of people walking. You can also always just drop out if you don't want to there is no pressure but high rocks is a different  animal because There is so many people watching there's going to be my friends are going to be there to support me I'm going to feel the pressure.

So I also don't want to suck in front of people  because That's not gonna be fun. I know I'm very gentle with myself. I don't have a time goal I just want to finish because I'm not a pro athlete, but I do want to do well and I don't want to stop in the middle and Yeah, so that's why I'm training probably more than I should be or more than not more than I should be I don't think there is a limit to it.

But I think I'm training more than Necessary I'm trying to do four times a week and I'm trying out all these partner gyms and new studios And yeah, I've been training a lot in this week. I thought I was getting sick again. So I took it easy So hopefully I'm not but yeah, this is my life is  Not very  eventful these days outside of my workouts But I did I go I went and did puppy yoga today and guys I don't remember the last time I was this happy.

Honestly, it was with my favorite breed that I've been waiting for forever I know I wanted to do this but Samoyeds are my favorite breed. They're little, cute, fluffy, white dogs. If you, I'm sure you've seen them around. And they're just so freaking cute. And I'm not gonna lie displays of innocence is something that gets me.

I just, I'm not like a crier, per se. I'm  kinda like pretty tough. You know what I mean? But, yeah, something that is so innocent and so pure, it just gets me. And I didn't cry during puppy yoga, but something like this would be a thing that makes me cry but honestly today I wanted to talk about something that my Therapist brought up the other week and and it's crazy how i've been in therapy for Seven years now and I swear to God every year there is something that something new that I discover about myself That I haven't thought about before and also, like your mindset changes your  I don't know I think you change and you grow as a person and then something that you talked about Something that I talked about seven years ago is just not relevant anymore because I don't have this opinion anymore I don't think this way anymore So you like work through the new stuff that's coming up as a result of your growth I'm like a relentless advocate for therapy because it has helped me so much and Yeah better help This could have been your advertisement slot, but it's not.

Anyway, today I want to talk about something that  she brought up the other day, and it blew my mind. It's just such an easy hack to get rid of all the fear. And I think obviously there is a lot of work that has to be done behind it, but basically we're talking about how what I'm scared of, right? 

And these are not just oh, I'm scared of like snakes or like whatever we were talking about because all the fears have a very basic existential fear behind it. It's either like fear of being left alone, fear of dying, fear of safe, fear of not being safe. So there is a basic need behind all our fears.

That is very primal usually So yeah, it's usually like safety or Connection stuff like that. So we would going deep down into the roots of my some of my fears And I was catastrophizing full on and I was saying what if this happens and then this happens and then that happens and then I'm basically like, I'm basically gonna die, right?

This is always the course of action when we catastrophize. We blow everything out of proportion and we just spiral. So while I was doing that, this was like, this is what I let myself do in like a controlled environment. I was saying, yeah, but then this is going to happen and what am I going to do?  And she just said such a simple thing.

She was like, but  you have all this experience. Do you think you won't figure out what to do in this situation? And I never thought about it this way. I just thought that, oh my god, if this specific thing happens to me it's horrible. She was like, yeah, it's gonna be horrible. You're probably gonna feel very uncomfortable, maybe like ashamed, maybe like sad, desperate, whatever.

But do you think with all the experience and everything you've been through, you will not figure out a way out of this situation? With all your resilience, all your resourcefulness, you think you won't figure out what to do?  And I've never thought about it like that, and I thought about it this way, and I decided that, yeah, I will totally figure out a way.

And things that scare me  are not necessarily things that just because there are things that scare me about this situation, it doesn't mean that I won't be able to get out of it. And for me before it was like that. It was, Oh, if I'm, if this thing happens, then it's inevitable. And it's not something I can do anything about and I'm just done, but it's not like that.

There is always a way out. And I think all of this is to say that the important, I cannot underline enough the importance of building trust with yourself. This is ties very well with my previous episode. If you haven't listened to it. Please go and listen. I think it's a perfect segue because in the previous episode I was talking about how if you don't keep promises that you make to yourself, how are you gonna achieve things?

How are you gonna  trust yourself to be capable of things? How are you gonna set goals if whatever you say just doesn't matter it's just words that are not gonna materialize  But once you start building trust with yourself, you will start building confidence because you'll know that you say it I wanted I got it that type of attitude and I think I have done this enough in my life that I have confidence in Myself when I set out to do something new I am fairly confident that I'm gonna achieve it.

I'm gonna do my research I'm gonna create a plan. I'm gonna be disciplined. I'm gonna show up for myself. I'm not gonna  Bullshit myself. I'm not gonna just say stuff and not do anything about it and it comes it starts with very small things  from Promises to go to the gym and drink more water or whatever it is to and it translates Into how you do everything?

What's this? What's the saying how you do? Anything is how you do everything right? I think that's what they say and this is a hundred percent true  and I think if you develop that This is a way out of all your fears  because whatever it is you're fearing, I don't know if you're fearing Poverty, don't you think  if you have trust with yourself if you're smart resilient resourceful and all of that Don't you think you'll find a way out?

Yeah, it might be hard. It might be tough It might be very sad and desperate. You might have you might not be having fun for a long time But like eventually you'll find a way out because you trust yourself and you know you can do it if your fear is I Don't know public speaking. Let's go. Yeah into a less existential one.

What happens if you fail, okay? Everybody laughs at you. Why don't you think you're gonna find a way out of this? You're going to survive this after everything that you've done. It also, if you haven't listened, I'm an occasional supporter of David Goggins philosophy. I know he can be very toxic and he's definitely has mental issues and he's way over the top with everything, but sometimes it helps.

And he has this theory called the cookie jar. So basically whenever, and that helped me during the marathon as well. I listened to this soundbite a bunch of times. Basically. The cookie jar is a cookie every achievement that you've had in your life, every difficulty that you overcome goes into the cookie jar.

And when you're having a hard time, when you're at your limit, when you're desperate, when you think there is no way out, go into this mental cookie jar.  And think about all the things that got you where you are.  Think about it. All the things that were hard, but made you stronger. Think about the things that you thought were going to kill you, but didn't.

And  you can rely on them in a desperate moment to think about. Your next step and think about how you're gonna get out of this situation. So yeah, whatever your fear is of Public speaking, right? Okay, you failed at public speaking. Okay, so  people laugh at you. Okay, so  you're ashamed Okay, so you don't think you're gonna find a way to overcome it if you your fear is getting dumped by your boyfriend Okay, they dump you.

So you're sad and desperate. Okay. So what are you gonna do? You're gonna find a way out because you've been through difficult times before because you've done this shit before  Because you've built trust with yourself. Yes, you're gonna be sad. You're gonna be miserable Maybe you're gonna make some questionable decisions, but you're gonna be fine because you know that you went through you've gone through so much It just doesn't matter.

You can do anything.  You've lived your life up to this point  and I'm sure you've overcome a lot of stuff that was difficult and you thought you weren't going to survive, but you have. So anytime you experience fear, if you know  that eventually you're going to overcome it, if you have this inner confidence that you've built, The fear is gone.

Maybe not completely gone, but it doesn't seem like a mountain you cannot climb  It seems like a mountain that is high and tough but doable and I'm sorry for this reference, but it's like my high rocks race. I could have been like, oh my god, there is no way I could push this weight  on my own There is no way I can do a hundred wall balls with 14 pounds As a last station after running almost 10k and all of that, but I've done these things and I've built trust with myself And I've challenged myself physically and I keep challenging myself physically.

I can do this It's not something I'm looking forward to I mean I am it's something that I know is going to be very tough But it's not an insurmountable thing in my life. It's just something i'm working towards So I think this is a great attitude. You can adopt to deal with all your fears, especially for all the existential and deep fears, obviously I will  Relentlessly recommend therapy, but if it's something that is More on the surface if you're going to be fine.

You can survive anything and you can do anything  Hopefully this has given you a confidence boost. I'm gonna stop here and Hopefully next week when I talk to you the weather is going to be better because this winter Let me tell you I know i've said it a million times before but it just doesn't get better So next week is supposed to be nicer.

So hopefully we all meet next week here in a better mood and with a newfound will to live because it's warm and sunny and I wish that truly for all of us. See you in the next episode.