The #1 Confidence Killer (And How to Fix It)

Ever wonder why some people seem unshakably confident? It’s not luck—it’s self-trust. In this episode, I’m talking about the ultimate confidence hack: keeping promises to yourself. Whether it’s fitness goals, career moves, or the tiny daily habits, the way you show up for yourself shapes everything. We’re diving into how self-discipline builds self-respect, why high standards attract high-quality people, and how to stop taking BS—from yourself and others. Let’s get into it.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the new episode. I'm recording this from a coffee shop. I've been feeling so inspired today, so I spent most of my day working on my content strategy, so be prepared. I'm elevating my content game, so if you don't follow me, I don't know why, but please follow me on IG at wellnesswithmarietto because I am going to talk so much more about training and workouts and why women need to lift and all of that.

I am finally allowed. Quote unquote to lift because I am done running  But these two months the next two months are gonna be a bit still a bit tough because I'm training for high rocks, bro Which yeah now that I'm done with a marathon. I'm gonna talk about this now. No, don't worry I'll try not to I'll try not to spam you too much with this content.

But yeah  this is a serious challenge because  I did mixed doubles in October and These were all with Male, male weights, but now I'm basically doing male weights on my own and this is serious But I feel pretty confident that I can do it, but  it is Still a bit of a challenge. I'm gonna be very slow obviously, and I'm actually perfectly fine if I arrive last.

This is called pro, the pro division for a reason. Because there are going to be professional women athletes there. And I am not.  Honestly, it's all about overcoming what you couldn't do before and it's all about Getting better compared to the previous version of yourself So as long as I finish as long as I don't die, I will be perfectly happy.

But yeah, the training is rigorous Let me tell you I've been exploring training twice a day this week and it is tough I don't know if I can keep going like this for two months, But it's been good because I'm trying to capture all of the elements of training that I that are required. I'm doing power, I'm doing endurance, I'm doing strength, I'm doing core, I'm doing mobility.

Because there is no way I'm making this mistake again and not training mobility and range of motion and all of that. And I don't want to end up injured, which is very realistic with this type of weight that I'm working with. But yeah, it's not like I'm training like intensely every day twice a day because if I have an intense training session Like if I do a high rocks workout, I'm not gonna go and run at night.

I'm probably gonna do mobility maybe hard maybe read. I don't know but Yeah, this is what my week's been like today. I did such a fun thing I don't know if you guys know jungle to this is this body weight slash boxing gym and they do amazing workouts that prepare you for,  to work with your own body weight and just make you stronger through that.

And they also do boxing classes and they have this pop up at Arcadia Earth that is at the well. And it was so fun. It was an immersive animal flow class and yeah, it was really fun. It was very like primal movements, mostly like on your hands and knees, planks and all of that. And In the immersive environment with like lights and like fun sounds so yeah I did this in the morning and for the rest of the days.

I said, yeah, i've been working I'm feeling so inspired and I guess it ties in well with what I want to talk about today  It's about keeping your promises to yourself and how this is the ultimate way to raise your confidence and just not accept any bullshit from people and I think this is what a lot of people are struggling with  because how many promises do we make to ourselves like tomorrow I'm gonna start this I'm gonna I don't know I'm gonna start working harder I'm gonna get this promotion I'm gonna start working out I'm gonna start drinking more water I'm gonna start eating healthier who hasn't done that  even me like maybe I don't struggle with these specific things because I Thankfully, I've made them a habit finally, but I struggle with other things.

Like for example,  I want to do more skincare, even though I'm doing like a decent amount, I want to do more. I want to do more mobility, as which is my problem. I've neglected it for so long. Now I'm in trouble. So I want to stretch better. I want to foam roll more. So stuff like this, like this tiny actions, I want to train my feet.

I want to roll out my feet, like All of these tiny things that are not necessary, we will benefit from in the long term They're tough because obviously we want instant gratification and we don't get any from I don't know  I don't get any maybe like some from Rolling out my feet with a lacrosse ball  But yeah, arguably I'm not getting any gratification because it's a painful AF, but you know what I mean you don't really get instant gratification from  applying more moisturizer or applying like a serum.

You know what I mean. It's tough because we're wired to get short term gratification  I've heard a lot of successful people saying how this is the ultimate trick to raise your confidence and just, and raise your standards and establish your boundaries.

And I think this is true because when you're keeping promises to yourself, you If you don't take bullshit with yourself, you're not going to take bullshit from anyone else, with anyone else, regarding anything.  And,  I've been observing this with myself, because I try not to do these things,  at least  with serious things. 

that I  have goals for. For example, when I wanted to learn Spanish, I decided I'm gonna have a challenge. I'm gonna, I'm gonna have a lesson every day for a year without fail. And I did, and after a year, obviously I did also, I also did other things, but now my Spanish is great. And I'm pretty fluent.

I can get by. I still do maintenance work. I still have lessons and I still read and consume a lot of content in it. But I invested one month, I kept this promise to myself, and now I'm reaping the benefits.  Same thing with the marathon, right? I committed to it. How many times could I have given up?

For those of you who've been with me through the training, how many times could I have given up? I was so miserable. I was I hated it for the most part. I hated my long runs. I swear I still have PTSD from the time I ran from, yeah, too young in England and back. But I kept with it.  Kept going.

I didn't stop. I readjusted when I got the pinched nerve and now I get to say for the rest of my life that I ran a marathon. How cool is that? And do you know how much confidence it gives me? And next, the next time I want to do this, I haven't, this or something else. I have no doubt that I'm going to succeed because this is just what I do.

I keep promises to myself. I don't. Take bullshit and you know what anytime anybody makes a promise to me I'm gonna expect the same because I think it's only fair to have High standards for other people if you hold yourself to the same standard and I do So the next time anybody's gonna make a promise to me Do you think I'm just gonna let it slide and be like, oh, it's okay if you don't That's fine.

We'll figure it out. No, because I want to attract people who are also true to their words and who also are high achievers and who aim high and I also have a high self esteem and high standards, I think we attract what we represent. I think this is no news, especially if you've peer into like manifestation, law of attraction and all of that, you know that similar energy attracts similar energy and this is what I want.

So a couple more examples when I was getting my  fitness trainer certification from NASM I did it with a friend and we made a bet that we're gonna get it in four weeks and that required a lot of studying  but four weeks is four weeks. You make a plan you figure out what you need to do every day And you just stick to it.

So I did that and I got my certification and He didn't And it took him months to actually finish because he lost that momentum. He lost that  drive and he let it drag for a long time. And then when you lose that and you don't have a deadline anymore, the four weeks have elapsed.  You don't have a deadline and you just float cruising.

And there is no rush, you don't have it in your system, you don't study consistently as you used to, and it's very easy to let things slide. But how do you feel about yourself? I ask him the same question.  I'm like, you have goals for yourself, and you have dreams, and this was supposed to lead up to something.

This is not just a random thing you're doing. This is leading up to a bigger goal that you have for yourself. This is important for your career. How does it make you feel? Not following up on your promises to yourself.  And he thought about it and he said, You know what? Makes me feel like shit.

Because  I Yeah, it doesn't build my trust within yourself. And next time I want to do something, I'm actually not sure if I can. Because I have a track record of not completing things that I promised myself I would. And I don't think it's a good precedent to set with yourself. I actually think it's a horrible precedent to set with yourself.

And you know what?  Very often we follow up on the promises we  give to other people because they hold us accountable. We are trying to escape. negativity, a negative reaction. We are trying to escape possible rejection. We are trying to avoid criticism. And  yeah, sometimes we  think that our promises to other people are more important than our promises to ourselves.

And I actually think it's vice versa. Because  this translates into, I think it becomes your personality. If you are truly a person of your word.  You should start with yourself because you are the most important person in your life And if you don't make if you don't keep promises to yourself  How can you respect yourself?

How can you have goals? How can you be sure that you'll achieve anything you want? And if you're not sure, how do you live your life? You know what I mean?  And If you put other people's first  There's just not the way there's obviously exceptions and periods in our lives when other people need us more, but I'm just saying in general over the course of our lives, why do you think your promises to other people matter to, matter more than your promises to yourself?

You're the most important connection that you'll ever have. You need to honor that because it will make you more confident and will actually make other people respect you more. It'll make other people lean on you more if that's what you want. It will make you more authoritative in your community if you wanna be an opinion leader, if you wanna be a professional, if you wanna be successful.

And  it all starts with keeping promises to yourself. You have no idea how like I want to run 10k in May in the Toronto marathon This is the last time i'm gonna run. I promise you at least this year, but I want to do it in under 50 minutes I'm, actually not sure i'm gonna do this. I might readjust my goal, but I'm going to do my best to see if I can. 

And as long as I know I've done my best,  it'll be fine. If I don't run it under 50, that's fine because I will still train and I will, but I will have to play it a little bit by year because I'm also training for high rocks and I'm also trying to.  Avoid injuries, and I'm also trying to train my achilles and obviously do some mobility work So I'm not sure how it's gonna turn out, but I knew I did my best and I kept my promise to myself  and this is this gives me so much power and confidence in myself and It lets me I can confidently raise my standards for who I let into my life and who I interact with and what I accept from other people.

Because if I don't bullshit myself, with myself, why would I take bullshit from other people? If it cannot be, if it cannot hold up to my standard, I don't need this. I want people who are equally  responsible, who are equally determined, and who are equally demanding.  And I find this motivational, I find this really helpful, I find it inspirational.

So why would I lower my standards for anybody if my standard for myself is the highest? I hope I got the message across I know i'm rambling probably a little bit because I wanted it to be spontaneous because it just occurred to me to Talk about this. So  I didn't i'm doing this without any prep work, but hopefully I got the message across Please think about yourself first when you make a promise  Do you want to be the kind of a person who  just says stuff and never follows up?

Do you want to be the kind of a person who helps everybody else but suffers internally because you know You're not living up to your full potential. Do you want to be the kind of person who?  Just doesn't take themselves seriously. Do you want to be that kind of person or do you want to be  Somebody who achieves all their goals and do you want to be the kind of person whose word is worth a lot? 

And do you want to be a leader for other people, an inspiration, a leader of your community? Do you want to be all of that? Then start with yourself, even if it's something small, even if it's the smallest thing, like for example, I have this microcurrent thing, like a microcurrent device for skincare.  My girlies, you know what it is, the new face that basically helps your muscle, workouts the muscle in your face.

I'm butchering, totally butchering the mechanism of how it works, but it's good for you. Just trust me.  And I've had it for years and I'm just not using it. So I've started and it's been a couple of weeks since I started using it and I intend to continue because I'm on an active improvement plan with myself for two months. 

And you know what I thought to myself when I tried to Yes, for example, yesterday I was at a birthday party and I came back at midnight and I still obviously didn't do the microcurrent thing and I thought to myself,  Mitch, you ran a marathon, you learned Spanish, you did so many things. You literally don't have 10 minutes to be disciplined with this.

And you know what? And I did it and I intend to keep doing so because sometimes I agree that sometimes  Bigger things are somewhat easier achievable than these smaller everyday things because they require a lot of effort every single day especially at the end of days harder, but  Then the more things you do the more promises you keep to yourself the more you have in your bank and the more experience you have to fall back on to know that you can actually do things and Honestly, when I thought about all of the things that I've done and that I've achieved doing this microcurrent thing just  Seemed like silly not to do because it's such an easy thing compared to other things that I've done So I encourage you to think about that I encourage you to think about how you talk to yourself and how you give promises to yourself Because it's going to change your life when you start taking yourself seriously.

I think i'm going to stop here And thank you for joining me Please follow me on IG because I have so much fun stuff coming up and I'll see you in the next episode