Friendship Breakups: Why I’m Crying at 8 AM

This week, I’m opening up about something deeply personal: the quiet heartbreak of watching friendships change. As the year ends, life shifts, and many of my closest friends are moving on to new chapters—relationships, engagements, or new homes—and I’m left reconciling joy for them with sadness for me. In this raw and emotional episode, we’ll talk about why it’s okay to grieve these changes, honor the love that was, and find hope for what’s next. If you’ve ever felt this kind of loss, know you’re not alone. Let’s navigate this together.

Transcript

 Hello, and welcome to the next episode. This episode is extremely hard for me to record and I've actually been sitting  in my chair procrastinating for like at least 20 minutes  before I have to record it because I'm going to talk about something that is extremely emotional for me and that I'm feeling. 

Very strongly about now  and I'm feeling that strong that strongly about it that I'm recording it at 820 on a Sunday morning  Because I just need to get it out of my system and I just need to talk to someone about it  and this is The pain of letting people go before the year ends We have a little over a week at least at the time that i'm recording it and  I'm, naturally meeting up with a lot of friends before they leave for christmas or Just before the end of the year.

Everybody's like eager to make plans Because it's usually a chill period in everybody's life relatively, right? So like I've been meeting i've been socializing a lot.  I've been catching up with a lot of people and  I just basically I'm finding out all the news and everything that's happening in their lives and a lot of my friends are just Moving on with their lives, which mean which means they're moving away from  our friendship not in a bad way, but Most of them are now in relationships or a couple of them got engaged and moving in together They have all of these exciting plans and now they have not only their own friends and family their circle They also have their partner's friends and family which naturally means that they'll have less time, less, less availability.

And of course, then they start having kids. It's going to be even more different and I'm happy for them. I am, but it's just really hard to let them go.  And I've been finding it really hard to reconcile my, the joy that I feel for them and for them to, because they are moving on to bigger, better things.

And the sadness that is within me, because I rely on my friends a lot for support. I rely on my friends for everything because I live alone. I My family lives in a different country and I don't have this readily available group chat of people who are just going to be there for me because they are my family members or my partner and whatever and in that instance your friends become your whole life and  But you are not for them  and it's really hard to And I feel like a lot of us feel sad about that, but also we feel a little selfish thinking like that because  a lot of us feel guilty that you cannot just be happy for your friend and just accept that and move on with your life and just feel pure joy and happiness for them.

But I think I want to, I want you to know that it's okay to feel sad because you're the one who's left with a void and the space that they used to fill the space that you used to hold for this relationship is now empty. And it's okay if you are a little lonely and it's okay to cry and it's okay to process this I think  and I think I had this conversation with two of my friends on Friday and they said that they are like leaving they're moving  and basically I know it's not going to be the same.

I know that people always say that we're going to try we're going to keep in touch and probably we will keep in touch but it's just not going to be the same and that is already enough. To give yourself some time and space to heal and grieve that. And honestly, since Friday, I've been like feeling like crying a lot.

And I feel like I haven't had that like great cry yet. But it's building up and I feel like I really need this. And. There is a part of me that is trying to invalidate all of my feelings and say, Hey, it's not that big of a deal. Don't be so sensitive. Don't be this. Don't be that. But if years of therapy have taught me anything, honestly,  it's so valid.

It's such a valid feeling to just, Miss the person that is gonna exit your life and it's almost a different concept you almost miss them preemptively because they're not moving away like tomorrow, right but it's gonna happen within the next year and you preemptively start to miss things and imagine how it's gonna be without them and It's such a weird feeling because you're mourning something that has not yet left your life But it will and it makes me really sad and I just want you to know that if you're in the same boat, I just want you to know that it's okay.

I think we have a right to be really sad and we have a right to grieve the relationship that we had. And at the same time, I don't want you or myself to wallow in that feeling.  I also want you to be grateful for the things that you have done with your friends, for the connections that we've had, I think it's important to also bring the gratitude into the mix.

Because. Not everybody is blessed with, I'm going to cry, I swear to God.  Not everybody's blessed with amazing friendships and not everybody's blessed with  great connections. And there is so many people who are lonely and who literally almost never experience what it's like to be truly loved, to be truly cared about what it's like to have a true friend.

So many people never get to experience that. And just because it's ending, doesn't mean you cannot be grateful. For what you've had and for the memories and for the good times that you spend together, honestly I feel like mindfulness and meditation has helped me a lot because I have taught myself to be in the present more and not think too far into the future and catastrophize Because essentially you can never guarantee that a person will never leave your life And just because there is no plan for them to leave your life.

They probably will and You Whatever capacity, like your coworkers are going to move on. Your college friends are going to move on just because you're hanging out every day because of convenience or like common interest.  And it doesn't mean that it's going to be that way forever. And in a way, you always have to be prepared for people to leave your life.

And this is a skill that I. I have been struggling my whole life to develop. I just hate letting people go. I just hate it, honestly. And it's, yeah, but I think it's a very important skill to have because, yeah, we are always with ourselves, ultimately. And if you're comfortable with that. If you are comfortable on your own, if you know you are a great company, it makes it a tiny bit easier.

A tiny bit. I'm not saying I don't buy into this bullshit of saying that  you're your own best friend and you don't need anybody. We do need people. We do love people and we want people in our lives. And, but knowing that you'll get over it and feeling confident in your own abilities to overcome this sadness and let it go and be happy for your friend and be grateful.

Just having this confidence makes it a tiny bit better. It's not going to make it a lot better, at least not at first, but it's just something that you like this quiet confidence that you know is going to happen. But you still need to go through a lot of things before it happens. And I don't want to, a lot of people, I feel like invalidate these feelings.

And they're saying, yeah, that's fine. You still have this person and you still have that person. Yeah. But  the person that is leaving still had a space in my life. And, yeah, I can fill it with things. It's not a question of whether or not you can do something about it. And it's not a question of whether or not you have anybody else.

Of course we do. But it doesn't take away from the fact that This specific person and the relationship that you had, this is never going to be the same and you're never going to be together in the same capacity. And I think this is really important to acknowledge. So if you are in this situation, I feel like a lot of us are in this situation now because people are moving away before the end of the year.

People are planning for the next year. People make all of these big decisions before the year ends. And, If you are in this situation, I just don't want you to feel alone. I want you to feel that it's not a unique experience  And there is people who feel the same way There is people who are struggling to reconcile all this whirlwind of emotion that is going on and I want you to feel sadness I want you to give yourself time to truly feel the sadness and it's going to come to you.

Don't force it I think when you want to feel it, you will truly feel it and I know it's coming for me I don't know when, probably in the next couple of days, because I'm feeling pretty strongly. But just let yourself, don't dismiss your feelings, don't invalidate them. Just let yourself feel and acknowledge that, yes, I am sad right now.

I am incredibly sad that this person is leaving my life, but I'm also happy for them. I am grateful for what we had, I am grateful for what we've shared and the memories and all of that. Yes, it's not going to be the same, but they're not dead. They're still going to be there  and maybe gradually you will drift apart.

Maybe you will have some kind of a relationship that is more superficial. Ultimately, this person is not dead. It's just an adjustment.  It doesn't mean they don't love you anymore,  but unfortunately, it means you're not  on at the top of the list of their priorities. And is that sad? Yes. Is that unfair? Yes.

Is that just life? Yes. And it's just an adjustment at the end of the day. You still have people who love you or you will meet new people who will love you if definitely not less, if not more.  And you will find things to do for yourself. I'm sorry, I'm just crying right now.  You will find things to do for yourself and you will find things that you enjoy and you will find people who will, you will connect.

on an equal level. It's just not gonna be this person. This episode is so hectic. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm all over the place. But honestly, this is, I feel like this is the beauty of it to a certain extent, because this is very raw. And I just want you to Know that you're not alone in this and we will get through this I do have the quiet confidence that I was talking about earlier I do have it because I've gone through So much and I've lost so many people in my life and I do know ultimately I'm going to be fine Doesn't make it less hard and I wish it was And  I wish I was one of these people who just don't attach that deeply who don't love that deeply, but I'm not and it has a positive and a negative impact in my life, right?

I think I'm unlocking by unlocking this like deep levels of love I'm experiencing the positive sides of it  to in the best way, but also when I lose people I'm experiencing The negative sides of it in a more severe way and this is just what it is. Would I have changed it? I don't know because I don't want to be numb.

I don't want to not feel anything. I want to I really want to preserve this ability to love people and like in a very innocent way and If that means that sometimes I have to lose people, I guess that's part of life and that's part of the beauty of it because you learn to appreciate the moment and you learn to be in the present. 

And I think I'm going to finish here. I'm going to record another one on on this  because I feel like I've been all over the place and I haven't structured it properly. And I also want to record a practical one. And affirmations for the situation specifically, because. I don't think it's the last time me or you are feeling this way and I want something to come back to that will help me Ground myself and will help you in these situations as well. 

And Yeah, I'm sorry. I was all over the place, but I feel like this is very raw and This is also good in a way and I'll see you in the next episode